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The Only One Standing in Your Way is You

by Jessica Durivage

I am at a crossroads in my life - or as a friend called it today at lunch.. a threshold. 

I think I prefer the latter.  The dictionary defines threshold as:

     1. The place or point of beginning; the outset.

      2. The point that must be exceeded to begin producing a given effect or result or to elicit a response

      3. A level or point at which something would happen, would cease to happen, or would take effect, become true, etc.

 

Fortuately and unfortunately I am faced with the reality that I am the only person standing in my own way.  Fortunate because at least I know what my obstacle is and unfortunate because I am so wrapped up in my own habits, patterns and well, pardon my french but - shit, that I cannot make out the trees for the forest.  I have had to come to terms with some of my "not-so-great' qualities as of late, and in the light of full disclosure, I am going to list them here in the hopes that somehow you may find some insight into what is holding you back.

1. I am financially unconscious. Meaning, that I have done what I have done in my life mostly out of love, duty, service or just to prove to someone that I could do it.  For as long as I can remember, I have never operated from a "how much money can we make" mindset.  I will throw myself into just about any project that I feel good about without really thinking about the financial gain or non-financial repurcussions. This has shifted in the last year - mainly because I learned a new word: VALUE.  Value for my time, value for my services, etc. But, this new area has not come as easily to me as some other things in my life.  I am struggling, trying to figure out how to run a business and live from a place of passion that is heart centered. 

2. I am sort of a control freak - but hey, I don't really think this is going to change so I will just move onto the next one.   

3.  I have a hard time picking just one or two directions for my life.  I have been swept up for the last few years in working simultaneously on several projects at once, letting myself be pulled in several directions, my eight limbs in several different industries wearing a different hat for every day of the week. While I feel that this has helped me to be flexible and adaptabile in many different situations, this whole concept of being a "jack of all trades and master of none" has lost its glitz and glam.  I know there is a happy medium somewhere...

4.  I am afraid of really taking something to the next level.  

What am I talking about?  I am talking about Where is My Guru - yes, I am sitting here with the very solution right in front of me, blogging on my beautiful (and very expensive website) wondering what is it all for?  Why am I doing this?  Does anyone really care? Is the show making a difference in anyones life? Will we be successful? What is my definition of success?  Will my tribe and myself find abundance on this path together? Will we be able to keep up with the ever changing stage of modern media?

While this feels a bit like an incomplete ending to the story - it is just that.  The story is not over and I have to put my cards on the table, which includes looking at what is getting in my way so that I know what I am working with.  Where is My Guru is here to not only lead you back to you - but to lead me back to me, too.  The answers are in me... and maybe also in putting Jai Jagdeesh on repeat as well .

What I can tell you is that I am am fully determined to move through and past these obstacles and will give you a full report once I get to the other side.  This "threshold" feels suddenly very important, like it is not really about choosing "this direction or that."  It is more about continuing to put one foot in front of the other and recognizing that this part of the path just happens to be steep and I ascend towards the summit of learning these lessons.  To be continued...

Currently listening to the album I Am Thine, Artist - Jai Jagdeesh

Seriously - Jai Jagdeesh is doing a pretty damn good job of lifting up these obstacles for me to clearly see - keeping her on repeat... Check out the interview I did with Jai at Sat Nam Fest West this past spring.  I am pretty proud that I can now properly pronounce her name (sometimes it is just baby steps...)

YES!

 

Comments

kara
kara
November 15, 2012

I hear you! My mantra as of late has been “OWN IT”. It’s my response to what lays before me, and the acceptance that it is all my own creation. When I’m feeling not all it, indecisive, procrastinatory, meh… the answer is “OWN IT”. thanks for sharing yours.

Satkirin
Satkirin
November 15, 2012

Thank you for sharing Jess!!!!!! Love, Peace, Health, and Happiness….oh, and Prosperity too! smile)

Lynn Hasselberger
Lynn Hasselberger
November 15, 2012

Great post, Jessica!! Just give yourself a nudge and you’ll make it across just fine.

Jessica Durivage
Jessica Durivage
November 15, 2012

Wow - I feel so super honored and very blessed to have you three incredible women sharing your hearts, and feeling your support. To know I am in your company must mean I am on the right path!  Thanks for shedding some light over here tonight. I am so grateful - jess

Amy Baglan
Amy Baglan
November 16, 2012

I wholeheartedly agree with Lynn above…you are already there my dear! It’s time to graciously cross over <3

Vicki Woodyard
Vicki Woodyard
November 16, 2012

Jess,
You speak for us all. Really! Swami Z has this to say. Stop sitting on me!

Vicki Woodyard
Vicki Woodyard
November 16, 2012

Just saw this. Crossing The Unknown Sea by David Whyte is a book for times like this. Here is one of his poems:

“You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.
Give up all the other worlds
Except the one in which you belong.”

―David Whyte

Carol Horton
Carol Horton
November 16, 2012

Hi Jess - I can relate to your questions and dilemmas and they’re tough ones. I don’t have any answers beyond what you’ve pointed toward already, but wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your work here at WIMG. You’ve been so generous and helpful in giving people a platform to speak about important issues and ideas in new, creative, and authentic ways. I don’t know what it will all add up to either - and really, how could anyone? And we all need to make a living. But know that your sparkling presence and hard work are greatly appreciated! xxoo Carol

Ashley
Ashley
November 16, 2012

Jess,

First, congratulations on your marriage smile Hope everything was fabulous.

Second, I am right there with you.

Third, on the direction thing. Just yesterday I sat down and wrote out on index cards all the projects I have in mind, all the audiences I want to work with and why, and all the mediums I want to play in. When I was able to lay it all out physically in front of me, it became pretty clear where the momentum was pointing. It also brought a lot of clarity on how I can integrate all of the seemingly separate things I am doing under one umbrella.

So if it’s helpful to you, I’m happy to talk to you more about what I did and how I did it.

And finally. You’re spot on. As much as we plan and try and have all our ducks in a row, the real work comes when we actually take action and put ourselves out there for everyone to see.

And you’re doing it!

Have you celebrated your awesomeness lately?

Love you!

ash

Jessica Durivage
Jessica Durivage
November 16, 2012

What is so very amazing about this comment thread is that all of you are women I look up to.  You are all beings of light that I love watching - even if it is only via my facebook newsfeed.  I truly needed this lift, and am so thankful for you each taking the time to comment on this post.  I am so grateful! 

Kathy
Kathy
November 16, 2012

Wow how appropriate I see this as soon as get to work today! Sometimes it’s just nice to know you’re not alone with the same questions…. With so many paths to choose from and so many different hats to wear it gets overwhelming to say the least but then I see blogs like yours or listen to a beautiful piece of music or even better just go home and get a big hug from my babies and it helps to quell some of the stress. Thank you for this blog and all that you do, I know personally everything that I’ve seen by following you on FB and your blog has made a tremendous difference in my life….. but it’s still up to me, as you said!

Much love & thanks
Kathy

MCITP MCSE
MCITP MCSE
May 22, 2013

I’ve joined your feed and stay up for in quest of more of your fantastic post. Additionally, I have shared your website in my social networks!

 

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